I came across some articles recently about Nissan’s autonomous chairs (here and here).

Wait! Is that a typo? Should “chairs” be “cars”?

No, it was not a typo. Seriously? Then is it a parody?

Nope. Nissan does have autonomous chairs. Instead of standing in a line, patrons can instead sit down in an autonomous chair, with each moving forward as customers are helped.

Nissan says this is the same technology used in their cars to help with stop-and-go traffic. That adaptation is likely a good marketing strategy.

These articles inspired my parody juices to surface. A few examples:

• Tillamook Autonomous Milk Cartons: Will keep the milk cartons in the store and in your fridge in proper order so the oldest milk gets used first.
• Gerber Autonomous Babysitter: Using its cameras, radar, and other sensing technology, this product will follow your two-year-old around, providing meals and snacks on schedule, taking them outside for playing time, and protecting them from kidnappers or running into the road.
• REI Autonomous Chairs: Similar to the Nissan chairs, these chairs are outfitted with a cot and blanket so you can be refreshed after waiting 8 hours in line to renew your driver’s license at the DMV.
• Colgate Autonomous Toothbrush Drone: Will fly around the house, find you, and brush your teeth. Designed to work, and get in line, with the Listerine Autonomous Mouthwash Drone, the Crest Autonomous Flossing Drone, the Moen Autonomous Shower Drones, the Conair Autonomous Hair Dryer Drone, and other personal care drones (as far as I can tell, this is the first time anyone has used the term “personal care drones” in a blog, so you heard it here first).
• Do you have any ideas?

Obviously, these ideas are wild and crazy.

But I have learned over the years that wild and crazy ideas from brainstorming sessions can lead to viable solutions to problems. In one such brainstorming session, while employed in Hewlett-Packard’s LaserJet lab, I had the bright idea of attaching a paper shredder to the output of a printer. We all laughed.

But then I thought of some possible use cases, so I submitted the idea to HP’s intellectual property team. They had me publish the concept in Research Disclosure titled, An External Output Device for a Printer that Shreds Paper When Desired. Further brainstorming by two colleagues based on that “wild and crazy idea” lead to a patented invention, US7456983, which cited my publication.

So, autonomous chairs?

Not so wild and crazy after all.

Gary Stringham, author of the book, Hardware/Firmware Interface Design: Best Practices for Improving Embedded Systems Development, is an acknowledged expert witness and thought leader in embedded systems. Feel free to contact him at 208-939-6984.